A Boat, Body Image & No Mirror
I often share with my clients when talking about body image to imagine growing up on a deserted island and thinking about how their relationship to their body would be different.
When my partner Rick and I sail, I often think of this. A few days ago, we returned from a 2-week sailing vacation in the Grenadines; we were on a boat, just the two of us.
As the days gently move from one to the next, I begin to notice how my relationship with my body continues to evolve and is far more peaceful than I ever thought possible. My personal and professional development has quieted the mind drama and negative thoughts about my body, not allowing my body size or shape to determine my day, self-worth, or mood.
The first time I sailed, I was totally caught off guard by the head (aka bathroom) experience. I knew instantly I was “never” going to shower in there as it was claustrophobic, with poor drainage, and the proximity of relieving ourselves where we showered was all wrong. I had a big problem if I wanted to continue to go on sailing trips.
The positive about the bathroom and the boat are that there is typically a tiny mirror where you can only see small portions of your face at once. It is not possible to see anything below your neck.
Over the past ten years, I have spent over 50 nights on board. With the combination of sun, sunscreen, and seawater, each night requires a shower! Rick had a very simple answer. You can shower off the back deck of the boat. Stuck between showering, in my opinion, a claustrophobic germ fest or the “world” seeing my body, I had a hard choice.
Ten years ago, I didn’t expect to discover that being on a boat, alone with my partner, a tiny mirror, and a bathroom that I refuse to shower in would be one of the most freeing experiences.
Letting all my body image thoughts go began with the lack of a proper mirror and one that I didn’t miss!
For two weeks, I became disengaged with my reflection.
I no longer had the ability or need to see my hair, how my belly looked in my bikini, the size of my “cottage cheese” thighs, or to body check.
I didn’t care; it was unimportant; I went inward in the joy of focusing on our time and experience together.
I also noticed how much time we spent undressed and not in a sexual context, more about simply being. I became more comfortable in my own skin, my mind freer of my body’s insecurities. All the work I have put into changing my thoughts on my body was much easier to manage without the societal noise and a mirror.
We wake up, the weather is warm and inviting, and it's common for us to check out the day wearing nothing. We need to put on sunscreen, which is easier to apply when you are not fighting with clothing and straps. There were no thoughts about how my body looked, the softer parts of my body that can easily annoy me, or if my bathing suit fit “perfectly.” I didn’t have to worry about other people's thoughts or opinions; it was only us.
Rick and I happily help each other apply the “screen” to the hard-to-reach places, and I love the feeling of his warm hands on my back. I didn’t look for approval or feel the silence of nothing being said as I set boundaries long ago that no one is allowed to comment on my body. It is a hard practice for all of us as it has been our norm for years.
Over the past 10 years, I have learned to freely and happily shower off the end of the boat in the early sunset at the end of the day, including washing my hair and shaving my legs. While these are every day actions, I never thought I would feel comfortable doing them out in the open with someone holding the water nozzle for me and passing the soap. Often showering off the deck of the boat requires a second set of hands.
I now love knowing that my hair will dry in the warm air and that my hair clip is all I need. It could look like a rat’s nest with the wind and salty sea air, and I wouldn’t know the difference. I recognize now that I shave my legs for me and me alone, not for anyone else, simply because I can’t stand the feeling of the stubble!
When on the boat, it has become easy for me to be totally disengaged from societal expectations of what my body "should" look like. Again, there are no thoughts about what my body looks like, as I can no longer find a reflection; there is no mirror. The size and the cellulite on my thighs, my breasts' shape, and my belly's softness become irrelevant.
While I usually have a carefully curated social media feed, I am on social media hiatus when I am on the boat. I have no headspace to compare myself to others. All that surrounds me daily is our little boat, the sunshine, the sea, the beauty of the islands, tropical fish, the warm breeze, and my partner Rick, who NEVER has an opinion about my body.
Rick has supported me through all of my disordered eating challenges, overcoming my fears of gaining an ounce that has led to pounds, and has helped me to learn to eat, enjoy food and movement for the experience, not to burn calories, and to just be.
Yes, I am a weight-inclusive health coach, know all the “stuff,” and I am also a woman like you who needs support!
I spend my days thinking about being present, what feels good, and the joy of snorkeling with the fish and turtles. We embrace hiking to the highest points on different islands and exploring the roads that give us insight into how other people live - all having nothing to do with my body size, only with what my body can do. There are no reminders of how my body looks, only how it feels.
I recognize I have a suitcase filled with clothes and choose to wear the same few things repeatedly - who cares?
I wear what is comfortable and what makes my body feel good. There is no “dressing up,” as going out requires a dingy ride that I am guaranteed to get wet on, and I wear water shoes for practicality, not fashion.
There are four components to body image, and I hope you can see where they have all come together in my story.
1. Perceptual Body Image: how you see your body - how you visualize or see your body creates how you think about your body, which is our cognitive thoughts
2. Affective Body Image: how you feel about your body
3. Cognitive Body Image: how you think about your body
4. Behavioral Body Image: the way you behave as a result of your perceptual, affective, and cognitive body image - behavioral is how these thoughts impact your life
My thoughts about how I see my body are diminished when on our boat oasis.
How I feel about my body is dependent on the actions we are taking or able to perform.
When we are swimming or hiking, I feel strong and empowered; when we are relaxing, I feel quiet and peaceful and am grateful that I am learning to rest my body.
I feel at peace about my body and notice my size does not impact the joy I am experiencing.
Going into the holiday season, and gearing up for the New Year, take time to pause and think how you would feel if you were alone, on a deserted island, with no comparison, no shoulds, no cant……, only you.
Would you even know to have negative thoughts about your body? I don't think so!
